


All Here

by FelixBrownieBoy



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Death, Depression, Faint, Felix is sad, Hurt/Comfort, Hyunlix, Manager - Freeform, Minsing, Multi, Sad, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, felix mom, felixs mom, hyunjin is a mess, jilix are bestfriends, straykids - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-17 02:48:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28841895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FelixBrownieBoy/pseuds/FelixBrownieBoy
Summary: Felix went to his phone and grabbed it. He didn’t have to open it to see what the notification said. “I’m sorry…” Felix’s heart shattered. He felt his heart beating uncontrollably and he was shaking. He couldn’t stop. His breaths were uneven as he was trying to open his phone. He went into messages and saw it…….
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Hwang Hyunjin/Lee Felix, Lee Felix (Stray Kids)/Stray Kids Ensemble
Comments: 1
Kudos: 19





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS MY FIRST FF IM SORRY IF IT SUCKS

The group was in their van driving back from practice. 7 of them. Not 8, But 7. Felix had to abruptly leave due to a personal reason, which even his members weren’t allowed to know about. Not yet. All they saw was Felix’s heartbreak and how he fell to his knees sobbing. Sobbing uncontrollably. To the point where the staff had to bring him out of the practice room. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The members were being held back. They were all thinking at that moment, “Is it that serious they won’t let us even go to our own member? Our family?” Chan was pushing back against the force of the manager. There was shouting and protesting. The sight of Felix being dragged out while crying was a sight no one wishes to remember.  
“Let him go whats going on?” Hyunjin said the other members were echoing his sentence. Chan broke his filter and shouted out.  
“Chan! Listen to me. Everyone listen! You don’t understand you all need to get back now. We know how much you all care for one another including Felix. But this is a matter in which you can not attend. Let him leave and we will let you out once he is on his way out of the building. I’m sorry.” The manager lets go once he sees a message declaring Felix has been escorted out of the building. The member’s eyes well up at the thoughts that are forming in their heads. They were thinking of horrible things. Throughout the whole class, Felix had his phone beside him. On their breaks, he would go on it. He wasn’t smiling. None of the members noticed because they were all in their own world during the break. Until Felix saw it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They finished practicing Easy as they wanted to get in fresh in their minds. Felix went to his phone and grabbed it. He didn’t have to open it to see what the notification said. “I’m sorry…” Felix’s heart shattered. He felt his heart beating uncontrollably and he was shaking. He couldn’t stop. His breaths were uneven as he was trying to open his phone. He went into messages and saw it…….

Felix:  
Hey dad, how is mom doing today? I want to check in..  
2:34 pm

Dad:  
Um, Felix...She’s not looking good. All we have to do is pray. But she’s strong. We both know that. She will make it. Pray felix. Pray. Pray for your mother.  
2:35 pm

*seen*  
2:35 pm

Felix:  
I had to practice a song sorry..I prayed before we practiced it. Please tell me she is okay..  
2:48 pm

*seen*  
2:48 pm

Felix:  
Dad? Dad please.. Seriously answer. Im not kidding. DAD! You cant leave me when something like this is happening!!  
2:49 pm

*seen*  
2:48 pm

Dad:  
felix  
2:59 pm

Dad:  
I’m sorry...  
3:01 pm

*seen*  
3:01 pm

He knew. Felix knew what that meant. Why else would his father leave him on seen. His world broke. He was done for. His support, his mom was gone.  
Felix dropped his phone. He wasn’t going to even try to hold back his sobs. He let it out. The staff was aware of the situation and they knew was must’ve happened. It was between Felix and JYP. The members had no clue. Felix couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t see. He couldn’t feel anything. He just cried. Not being able to support himself, the staff had to pick him up. The staff grabbed him and took him out of the room. Taking him to the dorms ahead of the members. He couldn’t fly back to Australia yet. He would have to wait a week. Corona messed up everything. Felix nearly passed out. He had a horrible migraine. His mom was too young. She should’ve stayed. To see her baby boy grow to be successful. Felix was being comforted in the car whilst driving to the dorm. The manager was giving condolences to his father. And Felix would soon call his father. Or would he..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The members made it back to the dorm. They unloaded their bags before they could walk into the building, they were stopped.  
“Okay. We are going to tell you..Felix..his mother was diagnosed with stage 4 brain cancer..She wouldn’t make it he was told. He knew anyway she would be gone. So he told us and it happened so, today was the day..Felix’s mother is gone. We are sorry for not telling you. But he insisted it is held secret.”  
Hyunjin broke. His mind couldn’t focus on anything. He was standing there. Staring. His eyes filling with water. He couldn’t blink, so they tears fell on their own. He thought of the pain. What the pain Felix felt was. In standable. He and his mom were close. Their bond was strong. Hyunjin hurt thinking of what Felix was going through. He covered his face and kneeled. He prayed.  
Chan cried. He let it out as well. Chan would often text Felix’s mother to tell her he was doing well, or when he was upset. She would encourage the team. Chan couldn’t imagine her passing. He couldn’t imagine what Felix was doing. How did he hide it?  
Han let loose and ran into an embrace with Minho. They were both crying. They couldn’t be with Felix right now at the moment, so they needed something to hug. The other members held one another as well.  
“C-can we see him now manager?” Hyunjin managed to let out. Him not being able to look up.  
“Ye-” He was about to say until they heard a siren coming. An ambulance? They all turned around as the sound got louder until it stopped in front of them.  
“Sir? We got a call from this building saying a 20-year-old male by the name of lee Felix had jumped? Would you happen to know where he is?” The first responders were ready to help whoever it was. But the members weren’t ready to accept who they thought it was.  
“FELIX” a bloody scream was let out by Hyunjin


	2. The Sound

“C-can we see him now manager?” Hyunjin managed to let out. Him not being able to look up.  
“Ye-” He was about to say until they heard a siren coming. An ambulance? They all turned around as the sound got louder until it stopped in front of them.  
“Sir? We got a call from this building saying a 20-year-old male by the name of lee Felix had jumped? Would you happen to know where he is?” The first responders were ready to help whoever it was. But the members weren’t ready to accept who they thought it was.  
“FELIX” a bloody scream was let out by Hyunjin  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Before the first responders could go, hyunjin without thinking ran to the back of the building where the silent street was. He looked around almost falling due to the adrenaline pumping he couldn’t handle it. He desperately looked until he saw red. Blood?  
“FELIX PLEASE NO” He ran to the blood leaked from someone. Felix was laying there smiling.  
“Felix why are you smiling..why did you do this. I heard about your mom we could’ve helped you could’ve told us...this isn’t a solution Felix” Hyunjin was choking on his words panting and trying to get Felix in his grasp. Felix’s head was rested on hyunjins knees and hyunjin was cupping his face with his hands.  
“Wow hyunjin I can’t believe your here.I-” Felix was coughing up blood somehow still fighting to stay alive. “I love you. We will meet again.” Felix now faked a smile trying to not cry seeing hyunjin in this form.  
“Felix please dont say that please your alive. You survived. Keep fighting dont leave me felix you know i cant live without you.. Please i love you. I need you. We havent event told the members about us...We didnt move yet we didnt have kids yet..Dont tell me we hid this just for you to go please..” He choked. Felix was closing his eyes. Hyunjin was now screaming and the first responders/ stray kids were hearing everything.  
“FELIX I NEED YOU PLEASE YOU DONT UNDERSTAND! STAY WITH ME-” The EMT’s were dragging him away from felix but he was fighting back..”LET ME GO PLEASE HES MY BOYFRIEND I NEED TO SEE HIM BEFORE HE GOES STOP PLEASE...FELIX” Seungmin grabbed hyunjin into an embrace and tried to hide hyunjins eyes, but hyunjin saw it. Felix was covered in a blanket. He was gone like his mother. “F e l i x…” He whispered. It sounded like heartbreak. The rest of the members were now crying hysterically at the sight. Changbin trying to find something to support on. Seungmin holding hyunjin whilst crying. Chan wasnt crying. He lost his brother. He was in shock. Han was now taking hyunjins place holding felixs hand. Put his hands on felix’s face saying sorry. Minho was face down kneeling crying and was throwing up from the overwhelming things. Jeongin was next to Han holding felixs other hand sobbing. The EMTS stood back and respectfully put their heads down.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Felix was taken away and was being carefully placed in a car. Driving away the members felt their happiness drive away too. Chan approached Hyunjin.  
“Hyunjin, we heard. You have been dating Felix?” Chan had such a genuine tone and he was really trying not to upset Hyunjin.  
“Yes. I asked him out a month ago. I loved him. My life is gone now. He was my life.” Hyunjin walked away into the dorms now. The rest stayed where their fellow member had left them.  
Hyunjin took Felixs phone with consent from the manager and it was something Felix had always said. When they died they would have to take each other’s belongings. Hyunjin held the phone against his heart when he felt a buzzing. Felix’s father was calling...He answered.  
“Hes gone.”


	3. Letter

Hyunjin took Felixs phone with consent from the manager and it was something Felix had always said. When they died they would have to take each other’s belongings. Hyunjin held the phone against his heart when he felt a buzzing. Felix’s father was calling...He answered.  
“He's gone.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Hyunjin received no answerback. Just silence. He stood there for a minute and then checked his phone to see if he was still there, but his father had hung up.  
He set his phone down on the kitchen table. Everywhere he went, Felix was there. The kitchen had Felix's leftover baking utensils everywhere. The living room had Felix’s gaming controllers in the middle of the floor. He was everywhere, but it was so empty. Hyunjin managed to make it into the hallway where the air thickened. He felt a lump in his throat at the thought of going into Felix and his shared room. But he had too. He slowly walked down the hallway until he saw the bedroom door creaked open. His body was going to give out. He missed Felix.  
The scent of him was everywhere in the room. Hyunjin broke down uncontrollably crying and didn’t dare to touch anything in the room, as this was the last place Felix was before he had died. He was scanning the room rejoicing the memories he once had with his boyfriend. He saw the 2 shirts he couldn’t choose between this morning, he saw the cologne he puts on, and he saw his shoes he had worn today before he.....jumped. While not being able to breathe steadily, he met eyes with the window. It was open. That's not what caught his eye though. He saw a note. A note that was underneath his stuffed animal. It was Felix's favorite because hyunjin gave it to him as a 1-week anniversary gift. Hyunjin made his way to the note and grabbed it. It read,

“Dear Hyunjin, 

Hello jinnie. Trust me when I was writing this I was crying as much as you probably are right now. My mother is gone. She's gone. I miss her. This may be an impulsive thing and if you don’t get this I changed my mind, but if you get this then i did it. And I am sorry. I love you. My mother's passing is what really made me do this, but there have always been little things leading up to this. The darkness is with me nearly every time I wake up. I feel like a grime is covering me. I feel like I'm trapped in a contaminated body that no amount of washing will clean. Whenever I think about what happened I feel manic and itchy and can't concentrate on anything else. It manifests itself in hours of eating or staying up for days at a time or sleeping for sixteen hours straight or week long programming binges or constantly going to the gym. I'm exhausted from feeling like this every hour of every day. But it's not your fault. Hyunjin, you are the beat of my heart, the soul in my body; you are me because without you I am nothing. I love you, Hyunjin, you are my boyfriend, my member, and my best friend. You are the person I know I could turn to when I needed help - you are the person I looked at when I needed to smile and you are the person I went to when I needed a hug. When I am away, it is like I have left my soul at your side. You have shown me how to live and you have shown me how to be truly happy. I want you to know that every time I smile, you have put it there. You make me smile when others can't, you make me feel warm when I am cold. You have shown me so much love and so much more. I want you to know how much you mean to me. You are my whole world and I love you with all my heart. You are my happiness. Every night I spent away in Australia I had a photo of you as my background. Each night I would go to bed, kiss my fingers then touch your face. I would set the phone next to me and I would feel you were there with me. You protected me. Well, now it is my turn to look over you as you sleep and keep you safe in your dreams. I will always be looking over you to make sure you're safe. I want to say something and I mean this more than I ever did before. You were the love of my life, the boy of my dreams. Just because I have passed away does not mean I am not with you. I'll always be there looking over you, keeping you safe. So whenever you feel lonely, just close your eyes and I'll be there, right by your side. 

Love always and forever,  
Lee Felix.

"


End file.
